Is long form writing still a thing? I don’t know, but it feels weird to have the urge to write. Then at the same time having this voice in my head telling me to shut up, no one cares, and this could have been a tweet.
The truth is, writing is still one of the best ways I know how to express myself. It's through writing that allows me to solidify my thoughts.
So, what thoughts do I have? Oh, it's mostly the same old, how I'm so behind and lazy, but at the same time I'm awesome and amazing. I'm not sure whether I should laugh or cry honestly. I emotionally feel behind, but my brain tells me I have a great life. Objectively, I crushed my marathon goals for 2023, in a loving relationship, and earned in the top 5% for my age bracket. All the big markers are there, however, I'm still so far from where I want to be. The problem is I'm constantly comparing myself to people ahead of me.
I know “Comparison is the thief of joy”, but it seems I can’t help myself. Also, in some twisted since I feel like feeling horrible about myself will push me to be better. I’m not sure if that’s true, or just a toxic mindset.