Still figuring it out

June 29, 2014
I feel like I have been putting out the vibe that I have this whole life stuff figured out. I don't. Don't let my writings fool you. I'm not trying to lecture anyone; I'm not trying to tell people how to live. They're just things and experiences I have come across that I view as true in my world, in my reality, in my eyes. It is only one way of looking at things. Photography has taught me that "point of view" can change everything.
I write because I enjoy it. I write because it is a medium I like to express myself through. I write because it inspires me. I write because some where somehow I hope this will inspire someone. However, even though I have good intentions, I realize I can be wrong; I can impact people in ways I didn't mean to. This is why you should question information and check your sources and only believe in things that make sense to you. Especially these days, it's too easy for people to put out fake information. There is literally a hoax for everything, or a hoax within a hoax...It's getting a bit ridiculous.
But yeah, like I said. I'm still just trying to figure all this stuff out. I used to think that it was horrible that I still don't have it all together yet. I used to think to myself, "I'm supposed to know exactly who I am by now." But thanks to my obsession with studying great people from our generation, I have learned that it is okay to be "lost". (Insert related video here:
Five years ago I was so sure who I was as a person. I was an nerdy engineering student who was a very "logical" thinker who couldn't do anything "creative" if my life depended on it. I was going to graduate college, get a job, have a family, and live out my life as an upstanding citizen. I wasn't lost; I knew exactly how my life was going to play out. I'm not sure when or how I completely veered off course, but I did. Maybe it was when I made the realization I was completely miserable in an education system I longer believe in. Maybe it was when I made more money in a day than what my parents ever made in a year, only to lose most of it in a month, but by then it didn't matter anymore because it shattered my perception of money and what is possible.
I am so grateful for everything that has happened because, in being "lost", I was able to completely free my true ambitions. I found what Steve Jobs would call my "inner voice". In not knowing who I was anymore, I freed myself to do all sort of random things. I shattered the perception of myself. I no longer felt like I was not a creative person because I didn’t know if I was creative or not. So I tried things: drawing, photography, poetry, writing, running, philosophy. I started reading about “success”, psychology, and even a couple philosophy books. I started watching tons and tons of motivational videos on YouTube, way more than any normal person should consume (Haha). To the point, I think it made me become a little bit delusional on what I could achieve, but I think that's a good thing. More than that, I started studying people who I admired. I would watch interview after interview on great people who have achieved a certain level of success in their field. I also didn’t limit myself to a certain field. I would study businessmen, writers, actors, artists, comedians, rappers, and the list goes on and on.
After all of this, I felt like I could go, be, or do anything I wanted. The next step was proving to myself that I could do things that were not plausible. I ran the marathon just to see if I could because it was sort of mythical for me. I knew it could be done, but five years ago it was something I would have never done. Why would I? WHO THE HELL IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD RUN 26.2 MILES FOR ANY LOGICAL REASON?! What's scarier is there are such things as 100-mile courses (Just imagine how insane those people are, haha). I picked up a camera because I thought it was cool. It turns out I'm a little more creative than I thought. I started writing more. I took a shot and ask someone who was waaaayy more successful than me to be my business partner/mentor, and somehow it worked. I have been blessed with opportunities and good people, though I wouldn't say it was all luck. I made a choice to put myself out there, to put myself in situations to get lucky. With all that said, I'm definitely not where I want to be; I have a long way to go and much more to learn. My marathon time was horrible, and my business could be a lot better, but the point is that these grand ideas are now possible. I realize the only person standing in my way is myself, as cliché as that sounds.